Don’t forget to breath

Don’t forget to breathe

Irony is long dead and buried in the advertising industry, apart from the irony of of its existence and its insulting and arrogant infringement on peoples lives.” Don’t forget to breath” the car ad says. A hundred yards from the M8, which is in full capacity and jammed with trucks and cars all day, along with most of the other roads in and out of Glasgow, a city near the top of the list in car ownership in Europe. So “Don’t forget to breath” it is saying. Buy another car!

Hold on, maybe you should “hold your breath” instead.

“HoldyourBreath wants to turn the Clyde Tunnel into a ‘pocket of delight’ for all who travel in her.”

On the other end of the same spectrum we are asked to hold our breath. And guess what, the team are looking for our ideas

” ‘Each time I drive through the Clyde Tunnel, I feel that this local landmark and triumph of engineering is one of the most ugly and unloved parts of the city. Every day, thousands of people use it, and it has no uplifting qualities whatsoever. Basically, its grim, and Glaswegian’s deserve better.

HoldyourBreath wants to turn the Clyde Tunnel into a ‘pocket of delight’ for all who travel in her.

If you have seen our banner, you probably drive though the Clyde Tunnel. You are in good company, 65,000 cars use it every day.

What do you know about it?
If you had your wish, how would it look?

In 2005, the tunnel will get a new lining, lets go one step further, and see fantastic improvement. We want to add permanent lighting and sculpture to the tunnel and its approach roads, as well as a soundscape that you will be able to hear on your car radio. ”
– Reads the bumff


Tunnel vision : Now where have I heard this original idea before 8 June 2000 pushing the boundaries of art.

“They’re creating a full audio environment, and at the same time, they’re jamming with total strangers across the world and having fun making music,” said Ian Chia, architect of Beatnik’s Xtra, the plug-in technology used to provide the audio for the Clyde Tunnel Project. “

This was another creation of a ” ‘pocket of delight’ for all who travel in her.” only this time it was the pedestrian tunnel. The description was much the same as what is described above, fantastic sounds and lighting. Slightly lower budget of course.

Basicaly what happened then was some workmen painted over the graffiti in the tunnel, some coloured stuff was put over the lighting and some inaudable sound emitted from somewhere. Ironically again the people on the Govan end, whose community centre, raised some thousands, funding for the event (mostly the technology that didn’t work), at the grand opening found their entrance to the tunnel closed and would have had to use a bridge to attend the opening event inside the tunnel. Brings a whole new concept to tunnel as elitist art gallery.

The clyde tunnel has all the charms of an exhaust pipe and no amount of fairy or art dust will make it any different. Perhaps it should be left as the exhaust stained hole it is, to represent the damage the car is doing to the health of the city (Which incidentally any self respecting artist should be involved in rather than tarting up pollution for prizes)

Yes Glaswegian’s do “deserve better” as the project over view states, but better isn’t turning the Clyde tunnel into a ‘pocket of delight’ which is an impossibility anyway. Better, is doing something about the car. Better, is doing something about jeez you have to say it – public transport. Yes I will look out for people wearing your “I’m Holding my Breath” badges as I look out for weans sitting in their 4x4s or standing at the side of the tail to tail, traffic on their way to school.

Why don’t the city fathers do something original for a change, that doesn’t involve fleecing people, using kids to sell their glamour pits for cars, ripping off our public assets or using bad art to decorate their business propaganda.

I wouldn’t hold my breath.